So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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