Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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