winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
