apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
