youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
