those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
