This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
