I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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