I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
