four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
