He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
