I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
