It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
