you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
