in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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