i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
