Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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