I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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