meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
