I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
