So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
