You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
