first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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