I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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