just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He? As in you personified your dick?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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