Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My feet surprised me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
