I need to stop coming to work sober
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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