dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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