i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
