Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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