Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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