it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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