Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
