I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
