I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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