Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
