He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
