Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
