i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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