May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think people are normalizing furries
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
