he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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