I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
MIDGETS
????
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
