As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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