8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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