You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where does the pee come out of this thing
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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