Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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