he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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