and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
