Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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