So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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