I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
