I love black thongs
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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