just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize