nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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