Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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