If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
