u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
