he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
