if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize