Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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