I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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