I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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