you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
