i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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