This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
