Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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