it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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