So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was CRYING into my vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
