Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
