Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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