if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
