we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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