I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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