i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
