Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I love you. Go after that dick
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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